My experience of jealousy is that it is a fear of loss in some way, as you described. The question is when do you need to sit down and talk yourself through it to realize that the relationship is solid and what tips do you have for recognizing when it is time to talk to your partners? At some point I don’t want to have a relationship where all I do is talk about relationships. LOL. Learning to let go and “let it be” or some version of trusting it to work out and be what it is, is another side. Living in grey space is uncomfortable but also healthy sometimes. It can make us more resilient and healthily independent while continuing to be connected and dedicated to the relationship(s).
That's a good question, the "when do you need..." I feel like so much of this comes down to secure attachment: does the jealousy feel like an actual threat, perhaps not just to the relationship but to me, personally? Jealousy of the kind that feels, as I've sometimes put it, annihilative, can be a sign that something within the relationship needs to be closely looked at and healed. Jealousy that's more of a slight twinge when your partner notices someone else is of course far less threatening, though if the attachment isn't secure, it can feel just as bad.
I think that's the key to what I talked about in the interview: it comes down to listening to yourself first, pretty much always, so that your response to your partner isn't reactive and blaming. But when searching your own feelings and bodily responses doesn't calm them down, or yield insight or comfort, it's probably time to talk to your partner about what's hurting.
My experience of jealousy is that it is a fear of loss in some way, as you described. The question is when do you need to sit down and talk yourself through it to realize that the relationship is solid and what tips do you have for recognizing when it is time to talk to your partners? At some point I don’t want to have a relationship where all I do is talk about relationships. LOL. Learning to let go and “let it be” or some version of trusting it to work out and be what it is, is another side. Living in grey space is uncomfortable but also healthy sometimes. It can make us more resilient and healthily independent while continuing to be connected and dedicated to the relationship(s).
That's a good question, the "when do you need..." I feel like so much of this comes down to secure attachment: does the jealousy feel like an actual threat, perhaps not just to the relationship but to me, personally? Jealousy of the kind that feels, as I've sometimes put it, annihilative, can be a sign that something within the relationship needs to be closely looked at and healed. Jealousy that's more of a slight twinge when your partner notices someone else is of course far less threatening, though if the attachment isn't secure, it can feel just as bad.
I think that's the key to what I talked about in the interview: it comes down to listening to yourself first, pretty much always, so that your response to your partner isn't reactive and blaming. But when searching your own feelings and bodily responses doesn't calm them down, or yield insight or comfort, it's probably time to talk to your partner about what's hurting.