I appreciated being able to match my own experience against what you describe, and see the degree to which it resonates. The description of Kanodia's, about kind of putting the brakes on at the same time as the gas, is interesting. I don't generally experience ahedonia, but I definitely make aspirational plans for myself and undermine them, but I think it's out of a fear of having to actually do them and failing. I'm curious if ahedonia means it's different, like it's seeing the 'best laid plans' as meh later.
It's an interesting question! I've heard a lot of theories about what engenders procrastination, for example. One somewhat paradoxical theory I've liked is that it has to do with perfectionism: you don't start something because the agony of getting it wrong, having to revise, looking at it as anything other than a finished project, is intolerable. Better to leave it to the last minute, and then you have no choice but to get it done right the first time, with maximum effort, under maximum pressure. I find this to be true for me when I must deliver a product to someone else: when I'm accountable to another human, I'll push through that lack of motivation. But when it's just something I'd like to do, a passion project or a great idea for making more of a living, then my interest often dies between the first shining image of the thing and all the steps required to get there.
Anhedonia plays into this by making *anything* I set out to do seem like an insurmountable chore. It takes a *lot* of interest and motivation to keep going. I thought I was ADHD for a long time because of the way I tend to do burst-efforts on projects, and then not be able to do anything for a long time. But it seems more likely that it's low-level depression attendant to C-PTSD. It's hard to forecast pleasure, hard to keep interest up, hard to follow through on things.
I appreciated being able to match my own experience against what you describe, and see the degree to which it resonates. The description of Kanodia's, about kind of putting the brakes on at the same time as the gas, is interesting. I don't generally experience ahedonia, but I definitely make aspirational plans for myself and undermine them, but I think it's out of a fear of having to actually do them and failing. I'm curious if ahedonia means it's different, like it's seeing the 'best laid plans' as meh later.
It's an interesting question! I've heard a lot of theories about what engenders procrastination, for example. One somewhat paradoxical theory I've liked is that it has to do with perfectionism: you don't start something because the agony of getting it wrong, having to revise, looking at it as anything other than a finished project, is intolerable. Better to leave it to the last minute, and then you have no choice but to get it done right the first time, with maximum effort, under maximum pressure. I find this to be true for me when I must deliver a product to someone else: when I'm accountable to another human, I'll push through that lack of motivation. But when it's just something I'd like to do, a passion project or a great idea for making more of a living, then my interest often dies between the first shining image of the thing and all the steps required to get there.
Anhedonia plays into this by making *anything* I set out to do seem like an insurmountable chore. It takes a *lot* of interest and motivation to keep going. I thought I was ADHD for a long time because of the way I tend to do burst-efforts on projects, and then not be able to do anything for a long time. But it seems more likely that it's low-level depression attendant to C-PTSD. It's hard to forecast pleasure, hard to keep interest up, hard to follow through on things.